so my mom is out of town till late tomorrow, so i was gonna try and clean up the house as a mothers day gift. i’ve been going through papers and pictures and everything for the past couple hours, and i had no idea i could cry this much. plus, i was watching p.s. i love you. what a sad morning. going through everything is making me nostalgic, but is helping to motivate me for the future. i always see my dreams and ambitions and goals more clearly by looking at my past for some reason. looking at pictures of my wide eyes when i was young knowing that i was destined to see as much of the world as i can. going through unpaid bills and loan statements of my mom convinces me that i will have a life that can ensure that not only my bills get paid, but hers also. i just want college to go by so quickly so i can start a real job and start making money so i can take care of her. i’m so sad that my perfect bubble is about to pop. that i’m learning about reality and the struggles that go on behind my parents’ seemily happy demeanor. but as sad as i am about facing that reality, i feel more ready. i feel ready to conquer the task of the world and to relieve my mom of some of the stress and worry that constantly fills her. i’m nostalgic and sad. i’m optomistic and excited. i’m terrified and scared. but mostly, i’m ready and anxious.
