WebPaige

friday i went to the doctor all by myself. i felt so grown-up and mature. but, i still go to the pediatrician, so all the babies’ crying kinda deferred from that. i graduated high school yesterday. it hasn’t really hit me. i don’t have to go back. actually, i have to right now to return two books so i can get my real diploma, but then never again. maybe it’ll hit me after i turn in the books. probably not. i leave for camp on friday. at first i was excited, then i was bummed, then excited, then bummed. i’m not looking forward to being apart from all my friends for the whole summer when i’m leaving for school in the fall. but after graduation, i’m so excited to go. i know it’s the right place for me this summer. i’m going to make the most of it because this is the last summer i’m a kid. the last summer i’ll be able to enjoy my childhood. hopefully i’ll be doing internships and working the summers to follow, so this is really it. when i get back from camp, i’ll turn 18 soon. i’ll be an adult, and my life will change to that of adulthood. sort of.

haven’t done one of these in a while. things have been hectic, crazy, moving at 1000 mph.

prom= master cleanse diet a few days before, blisters still chillin on my feet from my shoes, surfside adventures and bp.

my softball team lost our series last night. to the most obnoxious and inappropriate team ever. we’re done forever. i’m done forever. it was supposed to last longer; we were supposed to go to state; i wasn’t ready for it to end. and to that team. the guys in the stands were chanting our coaches name while he was giving us the “you did your best, hold your head high” speech. they waited behind our dugout so that when we left we would have to go through them. the police officer there wouldn’t do anything. it was a nightmare, and there were enough tears in the dugout to fill a swimming pool.

i let it all out last night. let go. tried to. it’s hard to let something go that has been your life for so long. i wasn’t ready. we were supposed to go to state. i was supposed to have more time. the things i complain about like tuffly’s yelling at me for something that i didn’t do wrong and our stupid manager shirts are the things that i will miss most.

a week till graduation. two weeks till i leave for camp. how do i make life slow down?

so my mom is out of town till late tomorrow, so i was gonna try and clean up the house as a mothers day gift. i’ve been going through papers and pictures and everything for the past couple hours, and i had no idea i could cry this much. plus, i was watching p.s. i love you. what a sad morning. going through everything is making me nostalgic, but is helping to motivate me for the future. i always see my dreams and ambitions and goals more clearly by looking at my past for some reason. looking at pictures of my wide eyes when i was young knowing that i was destined to see as much of the world as i can. going through unpaid bills and loan statements of my mom convinces me that i will have a life that can ensure that not only my bills get paid, but hers also. i just want college to go by so quickly so i can start a real job and start making money so i can take care of her. i’m so sad that my perfect bubble is about to pop. that i’m learning about reality and the struggles that go on behind my parents’ seemily happy demeanor. but as sad as i am about facing that reality, i feel more ready. i feel ready to conquer the task of the world and to relieve my mom of some of the stress and worry that constantly fills her. i’m nostalgic and sad. i’m optomistic and excited. i’m terrified and scared. but mostly, i’m ready and anxious.

We just had our senior softball banquet. I had to give a speech along with the other two seniors, who happen to be two of my best friends. What a night. I tried to keep it light and humorous because I knew people (my mom) would be bawling. But, it was inevitable that tears would touch the tablecloths. My brother gave me a hug without my having to ask for it or even initiate! I guess that’s how you know you’ve had a successful night. I love my friends so much, and can’t imagine getting up everyday without being able to see any of them. Hopefully, I’ll get used to it. That makes me sad to say hopefully that will happen, but I want certain things from my life, and I need to follow my plan. They’ll always be a big part of my life, and I’ll always love them. Don’t cry again, Paige, it’s only a blog. In other news, last week there was a huge showdown between Tulane and Richmond for financial aid packages for me. But Richmond came out on top, and I paid my deposit on Friday. On Thursday, I also found out I got into Emory, but I was already committed to Richmond, and I don’t want to change my mind. I can see myself there. I can see myself doing well there and accomplishing all that I want from my college experience there. It’s just up to me to obtain it now.

i love the smell of sweat in the morning. i’m at work watching sweaty boys play sweaty baseball and work out. it’s a tough job, but somebody’s gotta do it. sometimes it can be confusing making sure everyone is in the right cage for the right time with the right trainer for the right sport. it gets kind of tricky and is really stressful when we’re busy. but a lot of times, it feels like i’m playing a lifesize game of tetris. every piece fits into the puzzle in a certain way and if i coordinate the blocks correctly, i win (smiles and thank you’s). if i mess up, game over (parents complaining to and yelling at me). it’s entertaining. an skinny asian guy with tatts all over the place just walked in for the jiu-jitsu class. oh the simple things that entertain me.

1. yearbooks rock! yay i love yearbooks!

2. fitness tests suck. first period i had to run around the track. as i was walking, coach manuel started following and haggling us. he was yelling at us saying how we should be embarrassed and all this stupid stuff. so stupid. i’m not going to run a mile and be all sweaty for the rest of the day for no reason. stupid.

3. i hate working out indoors and only do it when i can’t work out outside. so always when i’m done, i don’t want to go inside yet because it makes me acutely aware of my grossness for some reason. so i like to sit outside for a while with my room-temperature water and ipod. it’s a very precise tradition i have going with myself. i also like to grab my bean bag chair out of the garage and sit on it in the middle of my front yard. i live on a pretty busy street, and while i love listening to the cars drive by, i’m pretty sure i look like the biggest freak ever to them. but, it’s nice, i enjoy it. it happened today. these are the things i will miss when i’m at college. i guess i could just find a popular street corner and plop down my bean bag…

4. i got accepted into tulane! it’s incredibly exciting but now it’s making me rethink the richmond decision. i just don’t know. i can see myself being happy either place. i haven’t gotten my financial aid package from tulane yet though, so that will help decide. i made a pro-con list. as of now i have tulane sitting on 8 pro’s and 3 con’s while richmond has 13 pro’s and 2 con’s. hmm. i’ll keep you posted with my posts ;)

I visited. I loved. I enrolled. Well, almost. We’re still negotiating the financial aid package, but basically it’s a done deal. I’m a Richmond spider!!

The travelling sucked. My dad and I spent 27 hours in the airport/plane. Oy. But, it was worth it. According to Newsweek, the University of Richmond has the number one most beautiful campus in the country. Knowing this going in, I was not disappointed. Dogwood trees cover the campus. Greenery everywhere. A lake running right through the middle of campus with a bridge to cross. I fell in love. Studying abroad is incredibly popular among the students, and the business school is rated among the top in the nation. It has an undergraduate student body smaller than my high school, and from walking around it did not seem all that ethnically diverse, but other than that it’s perfect. Besides, graduates are there as well and there are three other colleges nearby. Also, I plan to apply for housing in Keller Hall, the international dorm. I can’t wait  :)

Knowing where I’m going finally, makes the remaining schoolyear feel like a lifetime. I haven’t been home for more than six hours, and I’m ready to go back. Five more weeks of school. Camp. Then Richmond. :D

I’ve got my college choices down to three. I will be at either Trinity, University of Richmond, or Tulane next year. The question is which one. Tulane- waiting to get off the waitlist, but they don’t have to tell me until June, which kinda sucks cause I have to put down a deposit at one of the other schools by May 1. Trinity- not far from home, got friends there so that’s comforting, gorgeous campus, but they’re asking my parents to take wayy to much out of loans. they just can’t afford it. Richmond- awesome financial aid package, amazing campus- rated one of the top 5 in the country, name-recognizeable business school. I’m flying up there today with my dad to check it out. That took some convincing, but I think it’s worth it.

Check out the flights my dad booked- I guess they were the cheapest, so it makes sense that it would suck this bad. Our flight leaves Houston at 5:30 pm today. One hr layover in Dallas, and with the time change, we’ll land at like 9:30 or 10 to DC. Then, we get our rental car and all, and drive an hour from DC to Richmond. So we’ll probably get settled at 12:30 or 1. Saturday morning, registration is between 8 and 9 so we get to get up early! Then do the tour and all the activities until 4:30. After that we get to chill, which is good. Sunday morning our flight to leave is at 6 am. With another layover in Chicago, we’ll land around 4:00 I think. Then we go home. Oy. It will be an adventure. :) I’m so excited, despite the sucky plane schedule. I can’t thank my dad enough for letting me go/going with me.

Big topics for everyone to bring up in conversation with anyone in my grade right now seems to be prom and college. “Are you ready for prom? Who are you going with?” and “Are you ready for college? Where are you going?”. Since I can’t answer either of the second halves of those questions, I usually answer “no” for the first. I might start answering differently about the prom one though. Just say a friend or something. It seems to make people feel uncomfortable like they don’t know what to say. Like then they can’t brag about how awesome their date is. So then they start brainstorming all the guys we know in common that they can suggest. When I get sick of that, I bring up how awesome my dress is and how it’ll all work out, not to worry. That usually does the trick. The prom date search- it’s kickin’. I have a few prospects. The guy I was hoping would be a safety, you know the under the radar cute guy, well some junior snagged him up so he’ll probably take her. There’s another that’s a possibility- but he has his group and I have mine; coordinating groups could be a hassle. I’d prefer someone who would just be flexible to do what I want to do. Another possibility but it could be weird because we don’t know each other that well even though we have friends in common. Damnit original date who had to go and be a dick. Why couldn’t you have just left me alone to begin with and I wouldn’t be in this predicament. Anyway. On the college front, I convinced my dad that it was to behoove me for us to go up to Richmond this weekend to check out the university. I was accepted, which I am told is a great accomplishment. He doesn’t want me to go because it’s so far, and I won’t be able to come home on a whim. I have good reason to believe, however, that my financial aid package, whenever it does come in, will be filled with a grand sum of money surprise! :) If that’s the case, flying home wouldn’t be thaaaat difficult, right? Another reason my dad doesn’t want to go up there is that it was rated as one of the prettiest campuses in the US. He’s afraid I’ll fall in love with it and either be disappointed when I can’t go at all or want to go there regardless of if I can come home or not and then he’ll lose me. I think we should cross that bridge when we come to it. I just know that I’ll never know if it’s right for me if I don’t go. And I have about two more weeks to make this decision. So here we go.